My friend Joe tells me the pope is starting to tweet . I’m not sure exactly what that means because I don’t tweet and I’ve never actually seen a tweet , as far as I know . I wouldn’t know a tweet , though , if one walked up and punched me in the nose .
From what I understand , people , some big shot politicians nowadays , and celebs , and everyone under , what ? , thirty ? , forty-five ? , tweet . They , apparently , hold their little electronic devices all day long and text tweets . I think tweets are texted . Right ? Maybe not .
The way I understand it , whatever a tweeter does all day is such vital information that it must be shared . ” I am in Ralphs checking out the asparagus ” , or , ” Just had dinner at Spago . So 90s ! ” The politicians would tweet this kind of stuff , I guess , and stuff like ” My opponent has ringworm ” .
There is an army of people , I assume , all over the globe waiting for the latest tweet . They are the anxious tweetees hooked on endless tweets from whatever tweetors interest them . I imagine that once you start you get hooked pretty easily ; it’s highly addictive , I suppose . Watch , Tweets Anonymous is coming !
So , how does the pope fit in to all of this ? He’s starting to tweet in about a month , Joe writes . I suspect that Joe tweets . Nothing wrong with that , I suppose . I wonder if when someone tweets you , can you tweet back ? Probably doesn’t work that way . Obama couldn’t answer all those responding tweets , even with a staff to help . The pope couldn’t either , no matter how bored he gets sitting in those drafty old Vatican buildings in between encyclicals and Vatican Councils and trips to South America .
So how often is he going to tweet ? What will be the nature of his tweets ? Will it really be the pope tweeting or some red-beanied subordinate ( I almost said “flunky” , but I don’t want to go to hell yet ). Joe blogged about it . He seems quite concerned . He referenced the whole pope tweeting thing to literature . He wanted me to blog about it . I told him no . I don’t even know what a tweet is . I don’t care if the pope tweets . Besides , Joe got a little sacriligious in his email urging me to blog about the pope . What’s next , Joe said , Pope Pizza Parlors ? White pepperoni , he suggested , could be developed and marketed as “Like delicious hosts “, or something like that . But , I believe in live and let live . Let the pope try out tweeting to see if he likes it . Is this any reason to make fun of him ?
The pope is infallible on matters of faith and morals . Isn’t that it ? Not necessarily infallible on other stuff . He might be a real dope on other stuff . Wrong all the time . Who cares ? Besides , neither Romney nor Obama courted the pope during all the falderol leading up to the election . Doesn’t the pope matter any more ? Even Bush had his picture taken with the Pope .
I doubt that he’ll tweet faith and morals stuff . Do you think he will ? He might just tweet dumb stuff like what he bought at the supermarket , or where he’s going on his next trip , or how the Popemobile needs new tires , or how bad the weather is that day, or how his mitre fell off , or how mad he is at the butler . Maybe he’ll tweet dumb jokes : ” A pope , a rabbi , and an imam walk into a bar…..” Maybe he’ll just give advice .
I say good luck to Pope Benedict on his tweeting . I also say , however , that if he is not actually doing the tweeting himself , then it’s cheating and not kosher . But , to be honest , I don’t really care one way or another . I’ll never get the tweets . If it’s really important he can email me . Or hold a Vatican Council .
Joe , I read your blog about the papal tweet ( The Pope Tweets , Coming of the Toads ) Relax . Perchance you protest too much ! I , on the contrary , rest in the wisdom and comfort of the Beatitudes : Blessed are the techno- ignorant , for they shall be spared the tweets .