Santa showed up again across the street . On the neighbor’s lawn . Happy . Jolly , I suppose . Ready for Christmas . No reindeer this year . No sleigh .
I think he drinks . Red face . Blank look . Pale . No apparent inhibition about wearing the fire-engine red suit , standing on the lawn all night waving to no one . Maybe he sees people out there on the street ; ongoing DTs ? He’ll be passed out by sunup . Trust me .
He’ll be unconscious all day , no doubt , as he was last year . Maybe the reindeer took off because of his sordid behavior , had enough of the humiliation , boogied , bounced , split , cut out . Maybe old Santa left them all up in the North Pole . They must eat a ton of food , after all . Old Santa readjusted economically , I think , like the rest of the world , had to tighten his belt , watch his bottom line , cut expenses . The old guy gave the reindeer notice , perhaps , fired them , put them out to pasture . There is no reindeer union , not one I’ve ever heard of , they’re not part of the Teamsters Union as far as I know . Poor antlered beasts ! Where’s Rudolf when they needed him ? Couldn’t he have intervened with the Jolly Old Elf ?
I was sure last year , when I watched the old bird across the street day after day that he must live in his sleigh . Not even a sleigh this year . Times are tough .
I would like to talk to someone who does Santa’s accounting . How much does he owe China ? He must be deep into the red , sunk into deep debt to the Chinese . “Made at North Pole ” , Santa’s busy workshop , is a thing of the past . You know that , right ? Elves were laid off decades ago , got jobs doing T.V. commercials and whatever else they could find to do get by . Maybe Claus simply finally quit too , had as much as he could stand , pooped out , maybe ran out on his obligations and gave the whole thing up , the entire Ho , Ho , Ho , climbing down the chimney , lugging a sack of presents shtick .
There he is across the street , marking time until holiday season ends . At least he’s there, though . Have to give the old man credit for that , for going through the motions , for making an appearance such as it is . He’s been at it a long time , after all , too long maybe . Too bad about the reindeer . And the sleigh . The elves will do fine on their own .