Daily Archives: February 12, 2014

donkeys and plane crashes

Annually , donkeys cause more deaths than…………

Someone in Brooklyn posted on Facebook :  It has been found that women with large backsides live , on average , longer than men who point it out to them .

I would substitute the term ” butts” for backsides . That makes it a little funnier , in my opinion . Use of the word backsides is self-serving and pretentious , trying to pretend that you’re not really crass ,  rude ,  and sexist .  Backsides is phonily polite . If someone wants to post or tell that  joke , the person should be straightforward , I think . Maybe it’s funny . But it’s also crass , rude , and sexist . You want to use “backsides” out of false modesty , to have your cake and eat it too ? The word specious comes to mind ( Well , not really . I had to look it up . )

Another alternative term , a bit too far along on the vocabularious continuum , though , would be to use ” ass ” .  That is too crass ; too rude .  Stand-up comedians would probably use that word , considering it hip , in-your-face , and professionally effective . Do audiences still ha ha ha because someone dares vulgarity ? Really ?    To-each-his-own , I usually say , but in this case , since it’s my blog , after all , I say : screw them ! [ notice that I didn’t use the F word — first used in print in 1568 , by the way ].   It’s always inappropriate to use “ass” when ” butt” will do .  There’s no point to be vulgar for vulgarity’s sake . Vulgarity doesn’t give a tinker’s damn about anyone but itself — keep that in mind .grandkids in Morro Bay , etc. 190

One of my sisters e-mailed me the donkey-death thing . She saw it on an insurance agent’s joke board :  Actually , donkeys cause more deaths than air crashes .

It just hit me as I re-recall the e-mail again —- an inside insurance-agent actuarial joke , ” actually……”  But the e-mail word actually was ” annually” , so forget I said anything about actually .

I got another e-mail a few weeks ago  from the same sister’s  husband .  He had a joke come to mind one night , late at night , or early in the morning . He was sleeping and awoke suddenly , I guess , with this joke on his mind at 3:00 a.m. :

What did the recluse who wanted to be a weaver wish for  ?

O.K. , it’s a riddle , I guess , so I’ll let you have some time to consider a response .  No use giving it away right away .

[Time Out ]grandkids in Morro Bay , etc. 220

Okay , any answers yet ?  My brother-in-law said I could use his 3:00 a.m. joke .  He said that he didn’t know where the joke came from . Reminded him of all the jokes I’ve told over the years , he said . Nice of him to say that . Perhaps .  Did he say “stupid” jokes ? Did he say “dumb” jokes ? No , in all actuariality  , I think not ! He could easily have sold it to Reader’s Digest for  $200 —- I guess they’re still buying jokes . But , no ! He gave it to me ” — ” feel free to use it ” . I’m like a  Xerox machine of jokes , spewing the same ones out again and again ad-nauseum ( Is ad-nauseum a word ? But , anyway , you get the idea .)

What did the recluse who wanted to be a weaver wish for ?  

To be left a loom .

There are several intriguing  aspects to this joke . First , my brother-in-law doesn’t have any idea where it came from ; but , Second , it suddenly struck him at 3:00 a.m.  ; and ,  Third , he remembered it the next day ; and , Fourth , he sent it to me with the background information for a concise joke context .  What could be better ?   Besides , Fifth , it’s a funny joke .grandkids in Morro Bay , etc. 196

Where DID the weaver/loom joke  come from ?  Maybe he’s got others hiding  there in his noggin someplace  waiting to ambush him .  Maybe he’s haunted by the ghost of Milton Berle or Henny Youngman . Maybe it’s some form of retribution for not laughing demonstrably  enough at dumb jokes in the past .  Could it be an extremely  rare form of autism , only to progress slow and steady until dumb jokes become his world ?

My brother-in-law is an artist . He has a gallery in Coos Bay , ( check out : JVT Creations ) .   I suspect that his artist’s mind created the joke — devising , in effect , another artistic expressive outlet — and that he will soon , no doubt , be bombarded with swarms of jokes borne anew , popping into his imagination spontaneously and perhaps continuously , but hopefully not all of them at 3:00 a.m. in the morning .grandkids in Morro Bay , etc. 230

I often wondered about the origin of jokes . Perhaps my brother-in-law is , for mysterious and magical reasons , saddled with being , or chosen miraculously and ordained to be ,  the latest joke Creator .

All I can say is , given the way people abuse jokes : Good luck with that .grandkids in Morro Bay , etc. 227


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