I was inspired to write a post about bars after I read a post from a fellow blogger over at No Facilities . I jotted down a few preliminary paragraphs . And then the damn thing published itself . It wasn’t able , evidently , to hang in there and wait until I was done . swan dive sign

This is about the third time that this has happened recently . [ Yeah , Dan , I used “about” , and wonder if that bothers you ] .  The PUBLISH button is a little jumpy ; trigger-happy . I stay clear of it , but that’s no use .

I was writing about how L.A. is a lousy bar city . Portland is much better . A great beer drinker’s town. San Francisco , too . I suspect that  New York is a good place for bars , too ; and Boston . There are thousands of good bar cities in between , too , I’m guessing . But not L.A. L.A.’s not one .

I was writing about McGinty’s Pub , in Santa Monica , back when McGinty was there to run it . His father used to come in on weekends and recite , in a drunken Irish brogue , patriotic Irish ballads until the son would send him home, eventually ,  to sleep it off .

One day McGinty disappeared all of a sudden , just like  that , and a couple of guys from India took over . They expanded the place a bit and served Indian cuisine along with the beer  . The map of Irish surnames disappeared from the wall and all of the Republican ( Irish Republican ) propaganda pamphlets went , too . The dart boards remained , though , even if the old customers didn’t .

But when I spotted the notice that my few paragraphs had already been published , stolen right out from under my nose by an antsy computer , I TRASHED the thing quick as a wink . I could have EDITed it as I went along , and cobbled something together by UPDATEing  . I had done that the last two times ; but this time I wasn’t in the mood . Too far from the end .

And I lost interest in writing about bars , anyway . I was trying to piggyback upon someone else’s theme , after all  .  I’m not all that interested in bars , as it happens . Sure , I met Ada in a bar . That’s a story to be told , ‘cepting that I’d rather keep that unpublished . Sentimental value, I suppose . Ada doesn’t drink anymore , anyway . She decided one day to quit , and did . For good . The old joke’s not even good under those circumstances about Mark Twain saying it’s easy to quit : ” I’ve done it thousands of times “.

How about this one : A priest , a rabbi , and an Imam (updated version !) go into a bar . The bartender says , ‘ Is this a joke ? ‘  ?

No ? Okay, try this on for size  : A termite goes into a bar and asks , ” Is the bar tender here ?”   

I have a funny story about a couple of guys and a girl at McGintys one night in the 1970s. Something about one of the guy’s  hundred dollar bill being ripped to shreds and then plopped down into the dregs of a beer glass by the other guy . They were in competition for the girl . But , my sister disputes my version on a couple of the vital details , so I’ll let the telling of that episode pass for now .

It was funny , though . I’ll just say , however, that it wasn’t my hundred dollar bill , and that I wasn’t the ripper . I was simply an observer ( and the big brother ) . The ripper didn’t get the girl , though , in the long run , even though he would have had my vote had there been one . His kind of instant inspiration and savoir fair is hard to match .  Big shot ( in his own imagination ) , who arrogantly flipped the big bill out over the table to pay our bar tab got it immediately and mercilessly torn to shreds before all of our beer-blurry eyes . Priceless ! ( as they say ) . 
english caricatures

Don’t ask me what happened to the hundred dollars . Was it meticulously pieced together again ( a seemingly impossible task ) later that night  , or what ? I was too busy laughing to have ever pursued that line of inquiry . You might think that I would wonder about that , but I don’t . Sometimes , the joke is enough .

Would you say my attitude is cynical , sarcastic , negative ? Who knows ! If I conclude : Who cares ! , I suppose then that’s cynical for sure .  A close and long-time friend of mine called my blog cynical and sarcastic . I won’t argue , but I might have modified the harserosity of that comment a bit by suggesting that it’s , more often , tongue-in-cheek . Would that assignation fly ? Wait a minute —- assignation isn’t the right word ! Aplomb ? Whatever.


Filed under humor

2 responses to “bars

  1. Since I follow this blog via email, I got a teaser of the unfinished and soon to be destroyed post that was linked to mine. I though, “wait, no, go ahead, I want to read that…” I realized that it was probably a false start. If you had continued on the bar theme, I could have bounced off of that to finish that draft I have about bars in Pittsburgh – that’s a bar town. Funny story here though, I’m trying to picture the expression as his hundred dollar bill was shredded. Thanks for the link. I have to go now, I have to look up “assignation” I’m pretty sure I’m close to knowing what it means from context, but I’m going for precise.

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