Today a short complaint .
I got a 30% discount coupon on-line from CVS . CVS is one of the many NSA affiliates who collect personal information on me . I don’t think that they monitor my phone calls , yet ; but I’m sure they do a more efficient collection job than the government does .
I printed the coupon and walked on over to CVS . It’s not far from my
crib house . I wanted to get some good sunscreen . The coupon didn’t work . I hadn’t hit the right button on the computer screen . Okay . So I went home again and started over . A little free exercise never hurt anyone .
I tried again at the store . The clerk had held my item aside . I also had decided to purchase a roll of Tums antacid chewies . But , I didn’t need the Tums yet . So , why didn’t the coupon work the second time ?
” It’s a sales item , ” said the clerk . She was smiling . Good customer service style . ” The coupon won’t work on sales items . ”
I abandoned my original choice and tried the store brand . Probably it’s the exact same stuff . The store brand sunscreen is $3 cheaper , though .
” It’s on sale , ” the clerk said .
” I didn’t see any “on sale” sign , ” I said .
” Buy two , get the second one half price ,” she said .
” Everthing in the [#!!.*#–!#::#*] store is half price off on the second item ,” I said . I was beginning to eye that roll of Tums with more interest . ” That’s what they call ‘on sale’ ? ” , I asked her , even though it wasn’t the clerk’s fault . She was just clerking , with a smile and a customer-friendly corporate expression. She wasn’t the CEO making the big bucks , after all , who was making store policy . She was just clerking .
Yeah , that’s what they call ‘on sale’ . But , when you buy one item , because you need only one , nothing seems to be on sale . What is that ? Bait-and-Switch ? I have other terms for it , too ; but better you use your imagination than I spew it out here in print .
” Did you find everything okay ? ” I hate that line , too , by the way , asked more and more by store cashiers as I’m paying for my loot . Did I find everything okay ? I’m now checking out . If I hadn’t found everything by the time I’m pulling out my credit card , would I not have asked already ? It seems like an idiotic exchange , but maybe it’s just me .
And I’ll put a small complaint about Ralph’s markets in here , too , as long as I’m at it . It can be generalized a bit , too , I think . Ralph’s has taken to putting signs up for several items— great prices ! At first I’d grab a can of beans , or oatmeal , or whatever , to take advantage of the cheap price . Great ! I’m lucky to be here in the store during such a good sale !
In very tiny print under the large , bold print , the amazingly great price , is the information that you get the good price only when you buy 15 cans of beans , or fifteen boxes of oatmeal , or 15 of whatever . I have words for this devious marketing ploy , too . But , same rules apply —- I’ll keep my screed to myself for now . You’ll have to use your imagination , if you want . But , if you do , have the Tums ready .
Back to CVS . When I checked my e-mail later in the day I had , ironically , another 30% discount coupon . I wrote the corporate gang out in internet-land a succinct reply . I gave them a piece of my mind , so to speak . I explained how if a customer wants any one item in the store , nothing is on sale . The second items seem to be on sale , but not the first item . Therefore , in my way of thinking , this is deceitful marketing and , in effect , the 30% discount is useless — a trick to get you into the store . So , I told them ( as if they care ) that I’m re-considering my loyalty to CVS ( slight exaggeration here , I admit ) and seriously considering courting the Rite-Aide across the street .
I was shocked and dismayed when I got a hasty reply . Someone cares ! , I thought . Wow . But when I opened the e-mail from CVS it was only a message saying that ” there is no monitor ” at the destination I attempted to send my e-mail . They gave me a couple of aIternate addresses .
I could spent the rest of my life complaining about the phony 30% CVS coupon strategy , I suppose ; but that would be a waste of time . But , at least , I hope in my secret file they’re writing all of this down . I’m sure they are . They could share it with Ralph’s , too , if they like , and Google , and whoever . They have my permission ( a little joke there at the end ) .