in search of the perfect burger

I had a dream about you. You were storing my brain in a pickle jar in the fridge and I only discovered it when I went to garnish  my hamburger .  —-Jarod Kintz

Sometimes a guy needs a good hamburger .cow sign

The urge may not come often , but , while hanging around in a hamburgerless land for awhile , the unexpected urge may suddenly hit . I know . I’ve felt it . I felt like that old Popeye character Wimpy , stumbling around town looking for a hamburger . I felt it last year big time after being a couple of months away from the USA.

Poland is a world away from the cold hard reality of American hamburgers.

I hunted last year for a good burger after  the urge eventually got me in it’s merciless grip  . I searched high and I searched low . I search here and I searched there . I searched  the meadows and I searched the dells.  I looked under the beds and in the back of the closets .  I almost found one , too , after trying a few disaster/imposter “hamburgers”.   What I eventually found after all of that hinting  would have to do . It looked like a burger ,  at least , but it was a poor imitation of the real thing .

I’m not blaming the Polish . What do they know about a good ol’  American burger ?  Why should they !   I can’t really complain when the signs above the food stands say ” Hamburger ” and the thing served is even in someone’s wildest  imagination not even close . It’s probably tasty , that Polish thing , whatever it is , but it ain’t a burger . Wimpy would never have been content with it .

Well , this year’s  good news is that  I found a burger here in Szczecin worthy of the name . It’s prepared and sold from a little food truck owned and operated by two brothers . They call their business Bro. Burgers , and I have to say they’ve earned the name . HAMBURGER 010


I came upon them by chance while walking around the city . They were busy . A small crowd had gathered . The buns toasting on the grill looked like real American-style hamburger buns !  That’s a clue that these guys knew hamburgers . I wondered about the meat , though . The burgers looked good but maybe the meat tasted funky . One never knows . What twinkles  brightly in the sunlight is not always gold, eh ?  . I decided to try the truck burgers another day . I’d let the dream roll around in my noggin in the meantime . I’d let the burger hope simmer for awhile . I didn’t want to  get my hopes up too high  in the meantime .

But , today that day came , and I tried a Bro. Burger burger . I ordered a ” Mariachi ” . It had jalapeno and onions , tomato and mayonaise , and it was good . It was very good . It cost fourteen zloty , which is about  $ 4.25 . I could have had a number of other choices , but my Polish is not  good  enough  non-existent, and I wasn’t sure just what the other choices included  , so I thought I’d stick with the Mariachi . HAMBURGER 004


Imagine the joy of finding a bit of home so far away from home in the form of a good ol’ American-style burger . What could be better !HAMBURGER 011

I told the guy in the truck what a great burger it was . It was the least I could do . I was representing everyone over in the USA when I delivered that message , I knew , so it was a big responsibility . My praise was  accepted graciously . International relations between our two countries, you’ll be happy to know ,  appear to be doing well .

Poles  still need to acquire a visa to visit the USA , though . The French don’t need a visa . The Czechs don’t need a visa . The Germans don’t need a visa . The Slovenians………………….That’s a sticking point even a good hamburger can’t resolve .



Filed under humor

19 responses to “in search of the perfect burger

  1. There is nothing like a good food truck burger. I am glad you found this.

  2. Nice blog… i just follow your blog ….thank you for sharing this …i hope you read and comment mine 🙂

  3. As long as a nappy doesn’t show up in the bun, you should be ok. You know, Van Food. I think you’ve read Roddy’s The Van? Street Food. Here it’s called Food Carts. The film “Man Push Cart” probably more realistic: Good post. Maybe you should start one of those Food Blogs on the side?

  4. No, this is what “going off” a bit sounds like (from F. Wake):

    “5. Whad slags of a loughladd would retten smuttyflesks, empt-out old mans, melk vitious geit, scareoff jackinjills fra tiddle anding, smoothpick waste papish pastures, insides man outsiders angell, sprink dirted water around village, newses, tobaggon and sweeds, plain general kept, louden on the kirkpeal, foottreats given to malafides, outshriek hyelp hyelf nor his hair efter buggelawrs, might underhold three barnets, putzpolish crotty bottes, nightcoover all fireglims, serve’s time till baass, grind-stone his kniveses, fullest boarded, lewd man of the method of godliness, perchance he nieows and thans sits in the spoorwaggen, X.W.C.A. on Z.W.C.U., Doorsteps, Limited, or Baywindaws Bros swobber preferred. Walther Clausetter’s and Sons with the H. E. Chimneys’ Company to not skreve, will, on advices, be bacon or stable hand, must begripe fullstandingly irers’ langurge, jublander or northquain bigger prefurred, all duties, kine rights, family fewd, outings fived, may get earnst, no get combitsch, profusional drinklords to please obstain, he is fatherlow soun-digged inmoodmined pershoon but aleconnerman, nay, that must he isn’t?

    Answer: Pore ole Joe!”

  5. Guy from Szczecin here! Glad you found Bro Burgers truck, try their other burgers, ask the guys in truck, I’m sure they’ll give you all the info you need 🙂 Bon appetite!

  6. Guy from Szczecin here! Glad you found Bro Burgers, try their other burgers, ask the guys in truck, I’m sure they’ll give you all the info you need 🙂 Bon appetite!

  7. Dan. Thanks for keeping international relations running smoothly on the other side of the world. Now, for a great Chicago style pizza or hot dog? That would be a quest!

    • They have great pizza here . have had it for 10 years or so . Before that — another story . But , Chicago style would be a challenge , I think , to fined .

  8. Joey Fiorella

    Glad to hear that you found both genuine love and a genuine burger in Poland. Please leave this comment; Joey and his lady mean you well. I have to say, though, that i prefer good ribs to a burger. Have preferred them since the days when I found true love and great ribs right there in the same place. The waiter even had the grace to include a side dish of chips. Your stories own charm. I sometimes write, but not with such a wonderful sense of humor.

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