Once again I am
stealing borrowing an idea from a fellow blogger over at No Facilities , another Dan . He doesn’t seem to mind if , from time to time , I piggy-back onto one of his ideas . He’s got lots of them , anyhow ! He may not even notice one or two of his ideas missing from time to time , having been absconded with , high-jacked , kidnapped , and dragged over to my silly blog . With all that dragging , of course , they get a little banged up and out-of-shape . So be it . There’s nothing much he can do about it anyway , I guess. His attorneys can talk to my attorneys if he has a problem . If I had attorneys . Okay , his attorneys can talk to my answering machine .
I came close to being sued once , by the way . I thought I’d mention it here before I forget. It sort of fits in , doesn’t it ? One day there came a knock on the door . A young man in worn -out cross trainers und a heavy-metal tee-shirt stood out there on my stoop.( Ada might say here that she was under the impression that there was only one stoop in the house ) ” Dan Hennessy ? ” he asked ; and , having nothing to hide , I responded honestly and affirmatively . . At that moment he shoved some papers into my hand and immediately initiated his escape . He was sort-of side stepping away at a quick pace and looking back at me as if I would make chase and , perhaps , clobber him ( or , perhaps , he was a dyed-in-the-wool Second-Amendmentist and thought I’d shoot him . However , my Uzi was in the shop ) .
Now , when this kind of thing happens , a reasonable person’s mind flinches and hurried thoughts kick in . What’s happening ?. The memory banks churn overtime and they review your life experience at a miraculous pace . Mine kicked into action , too . No matches . No exact matches , anyway . I glanced at the papers . Legal mumbo-jumbo . Dan Hennessy was being sued and I’d just been served . Dan Hennessy owned at least eleven gas stations up and down California all the way from Santa Monica to Bakersfield . Maybe more . I was rushing . I had time to turn only so many pages of legal descriptions of Dan Hennessy’s assets .
I was on a little bit of of a time budget . I had to make sense of this predicament enough to address the process server before he had a chance to hop into his old rusty beater and beat it . The only thing that saved me was this guy’s funny sideways , looking back -suspiciously running style . Like he’ been beaten as a pup and would forever have that fear reflected in his actions .
” Wrong guy ! ” I called out . ” Look at this house ! You think if I owned all these gas stations I’d have this house ? ” It was a good question , I thought . Thought-provoking . It wasn’t a put-down of my modest little house , either . No way ! But , hey , let’s face facts !
” Just doing my job ! ” he said . And , after all , that’s just what he was doing . He took off in a seldom-seen -these- days billowing cloud of blue smoke that burst from his tailpipe and stunk up the street as his old car sputtered away . .
I called the lawyer’s office and got some sharp-voiced harpy on the other end who did acknowledge , at least , that I’d reached the correct place . I told her that , hey , I wish I did own all those stations , but that I didn’t own even one . I wasn’t in the oil business and you got the wrong guy . I thought that I was being helpful . Maybe I’d save them some time . If you’ve ever paid a lawyer , then you know that their time is valuable .
She thought otherwise , as it turned out . She , I think ( I’m not sure ) , swore at me in legal-ese lawyer jargon and invited me inelegantly to dry up and blow away . I retained a bit , a tad , a smidgen , of sympathy for her despite her nasty tone and the harsh verbal lashing she had just administered . Maybe she was having a bad day . Their lawyer- line was probably flooded with calls all day long from people trying to weasel out of situations like this .I might have told her to stick it where the sun don’t shine , or something equally refined and meaningful; but , I didn’t . Everyone’s got to make a living , I figure . Not everyone can’t be a lawyer , after all !
Well , back to my topic for this post . It should have had something to do with self-improvement projects , and paying contractors and professionals , and removing brick walls with spoons . Something like that . But then I got sidetracked by lawyers , and lawsuits . I will say at this point something I don’t really understand but have heard over and over so often that I know it must be the truth , that we need tort reform in this country, for sure . Not to mention a really tasty and inexpensive fruit tart . Maybe a chain of dessert places called Tarts Are Us . And now I’ve lost my train of thought totally , thank you very much !
I’m gonna write about those do-it-yourself projects , though , don’t you worry ; but not in this post . People have better things to do with their time .