I know Santa , sort-of . His name is Fred and he had his hair done last week . Santa has to be ready for Christmas . Things will get hectic in the days to come .
Something most people don’t know about Santa is that he loves to talk . I mean , he’s one of these people who just go on and on and on . He isn’t much of a listener , I’m afraid . Likes to hear himself talk , I think . Maybe it’s due to the isolation up there in the North Pole .
I met God , too . He lives up in San Rafael , California . Wears a beret and speaks several languages . Met Him in Hollywood years ago in an Assistance League counseling center . God came in for counseling , but his funding source was questionable and his references seemed bogus , so he was sent away in a taxi .
This is all the truth . I wouldn’t try to mislead you about stuff like this .
I tell you all of this , not to boast about what a fabulous guy I am , but to illustrate the common idea that it’s a small world . And , not everything is experienced electronically . Sometimes people are around to talk to .
I heard the mayor today , Garcetti , bragging about high speed internet coming to L.A. I mean super -high -speed internet . The fastest internet of any city in the world so far ! I mean , wow ! I’m so excited ! I might take Metro over there tomorrow to breathe in the new city spirit ; might even trade in my flip phone in for something more 21st Century .
I wonder what God thinks about computers and Santa . I wonder if He’s moved out of San Rafael by now . Oh , yeah , there is a God , but He may be a little difficult to find . Doesn’t have a beard or long hair , by the way . Well , when I saw Him he didn’t , but He may have grown one by now , I guess , and let his hair go .
Santa has a beard , of course . He’s got long scraggly hair . He’s tubby , too , but in pretty good shape , I think . Plays water polo every week . Doesn’t wear red when he’s not working , by the way .
I hope this bit of inside info has helped . Keep your eyes open and talk to strangers ( Be reasonable , though . Be careful ! ) . If you meet God , say hello for me , if you will .
Final thoughts : God is kind of cool , I think , as far as I can tell , but scary too . That’s why the counselors at the League sent him away . Santa is a bit of a boor , I’m afraid . Just my personal opinion . But , after all , I don’t know either of those guys very well .