Daily Archives: April 25, 2016


Finally , they seem to have just about finished the house across the street . The construction took a long long time . I think I was just a child when they started , but I could be mistaken . Maybe it’s that I’ve entered my second childhood during that time . That could be it , I guess .

Month after month the construction guys parked their vehicles in front of all of our houses , blocking the street  7:00 am ’til 4:00 PM. Okay , so they have to park somewhere . But two vehicles fit comfortably at the curb in front of my house ; but these dudes would invariably take up the two spaces with one vehicle . That’s just not right . I’ve written about that particular transgression before , so I’ll count to ten and refrain from writing about it in this post .

Open house last week . I noticed some activity as I went out to watch the sky , to look for clouds . I saw Ed, my neighbor , who told me about the real estate people’s camera drone getting stuck in his tree . Ed’s got a sixty -foot pine tree in his front yard . It’s a very pretty tree . When the wind blows,  pine needles cover the neighborhood ; but , I’ll give that substantial flaw a pass because Ed and his family are cool neighbors to have next door . The day the tree collapses and crushes my little house I may feel a bit differently , though .  We’ll see . Anyway , Ed wouldn’t let the real estate people climb his tree ; so they managed to  fish the thing out with a long pole , Ed  said .

I wandered over to the Open House . I was immediately suspected of being a (nosy) neighbor , and I owned up to it right away . Maybe the dirty T-shirt gave me away . I don’t know .  I was told to feel free to look around , and I was offered lunch . Lunch in the back . The assistant realtor put a sales flier into my hand . I was cool , of course . I didn’t immediately peruse it for the asking price . Not in front of the realtors . Acted like I had a million bucks and slowly inspected the place . Didn’t eat their chicken wraps or touch the bottled water either .

Up stairs I encountered another snooper , who I suspected of being a rogue realtor , or perhaps a property looky-loo who did this sort of thing as a hobby. About the third time I passed her and we smiled toward one another  she asked : ” So , what do you think ? ” I didn’t want to tell her it’s my usual daily  practice not to think , so I told her that the place is certainly big enough . ” It’s big enough , ” I said . I tried to make it sound as if I were considering putting in an offer , as if only a guy rich enough would dare wear a dirty T-shirt to a showing  of house like this .

And then I had to bite my tongue . My thumb and forefinger did a quick imaginary zip across my lips . I wasn’t here to argue with anybody or to get sarcastic , I decided . The woman had said : ” Yes , it’s a nicely done remodel . ”

Remodel ?  [expletive]  Is she kidding ?

When I got home I looked at the flier . Asking price $ 2, 863 , 000 . My quiet little street was suddenly called on the flier part of the Highland Oaks neighborhood. Highland Oaks is located a few blocks west of here , with huge lots and monstrous houses  where no one is ever seen around the mansions except gardeners . I don’t want to be part of the Highland Oaks neighborhood . Not that there’s anything wrong with the Highland Oaks neighborhood ; but I’d rather not have my respectable little street be tarred with that brush . We’re very unpretentious here .

We were .

I was asked to take off my shoes before I entered the house . I walked around barefoot , which was okay with me . I didn’t notice the box of blue booties provided by the realtor until I was already on my way out . Before anyone puts an offer down on this place , I think that they should know that I’ve walked all over their fancy floors in my big bare feet . That might put a damper on things .

I asked why there was a second smaller kitchen right behind the big kitchen . The wok kitchen , I was told . Of course ! For frying greasy foods . I’d read about them being put into the big new  homes in the other part of Arcadia , built for the Chinese market .

Two kitchens !  Ada’s sister came up with the idea of two kitchens twenty years ago when Ada and I bought this house . Two kitchens to keep peace in the home of two cooks  . That was her idea .

Alas ! We have only one kitchen . I’d be surprised if any other house on the street has more than one  kitchen ,  too , besides the new place . But who knows !  We were thinking of putting in a second bathroom a couple of years ago . If we add even a square foot to the house , though , we need to make our one car garage into a two car garage , as per building code .

Now that I’m thinking of it , Ada and I won’t need a wok kitchen . We sold our wok at a garage sale years ago . Never used it . Didn’t even  know it needs it’s own kitchen .

I’m thinking about making an offer to the realtor :  Maybe the neighbors up and down the street could take up a collection to move the new house over to the Highland Oaks area . They’ve got space over there somewhere , maybe in a side yard or behind one of the mansions  . It’ll fit in over there , I think , much better than here .





Filed under humor