Finally , they seem to have just about finished the house across the street . The construction took a long long time . I think I was just a child when they started , but I could be mistaken . Maybe it’s that I’ve entered my second childhood during that time . That could be it , I guess .

Month after month the construction guys parked their vehicles in front of all of our houses , blocking the street  7:00 am ’til 4:00 PM. Okay , so they have to park somewhere . But two vehicles fit comfortably at the curb in front of my house ; but these dudes would invariably take up the two spaces with one vehicle . That’s just not right . I’ve written about that particular transgression before , so I’ll count to ten and refrain from writing about it in this post .

Open house last week . I noticed some activity as I went out to watch the sky , to look for clouds . I saw Ed, my neighbor , who told me about the real estate people’s camera drone getting stuck in his tree . Ed’s got a sixty -foot pine tree in his front yard . It’s a very pretty tree . When the wind blows,  pine needles cover the neighborhood ; but , I’ll give that substantial flaw a pass because Ed and his family are cool neighbors to have next door . The day the tree collapses and crushes my little house I may feel a bit differently , though .  We’ll see . Anyway , Ed wouldn’t let the real estate people climb his tree ; so they managed to  fish the thing out with a long pole , Ed  said .

I wandered over to the Open House . I was immediately suspected of being a (nosy) neighbor , and I owned up to it right away . Maybe the dirty T-shirt gave me away . I don’t know .  I was told to feel free to look around , and I was offered lunch . Lunch in the back . The assistant realtor put a sales flier into my hand . I was cool , of course . I didn’t immediately peruse it for the asking price . Not in front of the realtors . Acted like I had a million bucks and slowly inspected the place . Didn’t eat their chicken wraps or touch the bottled water either .

Up stairs I encountered another snooper , who I suspected of being a rogue realtor , or perhaps a property looky-loo who did this sort of thing as a hobby. About the third time I passed her and we smiled toward one another  she asked : ” So , what do you think ? ” I didn’t want to tell her it’s my usual daily  practice not to think , so I told her that the place is certainly big enough . ” It’s big enough , ” I said . I tried to make it sound as if I were considering putting in an offer , as if only a guy rich enough would dare wear a dirty T-shirt to a showing  of house like this .

And then I had to bite my tongue . My thumb and forefinger did a quick imaginary zip across my lips . I wasn’t here to argue with anybody or to get sarcastic , I decided . The woman had said : ” Yes , it’s a nicely done remodel . ”

Remodel ?  [expletive]  Is she kidding ?

When I got home I looked at the flier . Asking price $ 2, 863 , 000 . My quiet little street was suddenly called on the flier part of the Highland Oaks neighborhood. Highland Oaks is located a few blocks west of here , with huge lots and monstrous houses  where no one is ever seen around the mansions except gardeners . I don’t want to be part of the Highland Oaks neighborhood . Not that there’s anything wrong with the Highland Oaks neighborhood ; but I’d rather not have my respectable little street be tarred with that brush . We’re very unpretentious here .

We were .

I was asked to take off my shoes before I entered the house . I walked around barefoot , which was okay with me . I didn’t notice the box of blue booties provided by the realtor until I was already on my way out . Before anyone puts an offer down on this place , I think that they should know that I’ve walked all over their fancy floors in my big bare feet . That might put a damper on things .

I asked why there was a second smaller kitchen right behind the big kitchen . The wok kitchen , I was told . Of course ! For frying greasy foods . I’d read about them being put into the big new  homes in the other part of Arcadia , built for the Chinese market .

Two kitchens !  Ada’s sister came up with the idea of two kitchens twenty years ago when Ada and I bought this house . Two kitchens to keep peace in the home of two cooks  . That was her idea .

Alas ! We have only one kitchen . I’d be surprised if any other house on the street has more than one  kitchen ,  too , besides the new place . But who knows !  We were thinking of putting in a second bathroom a couple of years ago . If we add even a square foot to the house , though , we need to make our one car garage into a two car garage , as per building code .

Now that I’m thinking of it , Ada and I won’t need a wok kitchen . We sold our wok at a garage sale years ago . Never used it . Didn’t even  know it needs it’s own kitchen .

I’m thinking about making an offer to the realtor :  Maybe the neighbors up and down the street could take up a collection to move the new house over to the Highland Oaks area . They’ve got space over there somewhere , maybe in a side yard or behind one of the mansions  . It’ll fit in over there , I think , much better than here .





Filed under humor

5 responses to “housing

  1. The assessment of your property will go up?

  2. Appliances and cooking aperati that need their own space on the counter are bad enough. Ones that need their own room in my house? Uh Uh, not happening. I was 10 before I had my own room! Thanks for taking one (tour) for the team. I was going to send my drone, but it’s a long way from CT.

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