I don’t claim any special power with plants . Ada tells people that I have a green thumb , but that’s an exaggeration . I like to garden , though , and by trial and error over the years , I know something about it . We live in a climate where it’s not difficult to get things to grow . The weather is mild and forgiving . The soil is usually good . We need to water things , though .
And, that’s where my story starts. It’s a confession , really . Good for the soul , perhaps . Bless me reader , for I have sinned .
My neighbors built themselves a huge house where the old little one used to be . The pretense is always that the construction is ” a renovation ” because one wall is left standing , usually propped up with a two X four . In this case , the propped- up wall came down a couple of times and then was propped back up again , no doubt for the benefit of the city inspector . That way , the inspector could share in the “renovation” fantasy . Well , that’s neither here nor there . This post is about the theft of a couple of plants .
The neighbor bought several plants with the intention of landscaping their front yard . A few of them he and his wife planted , but several of the pots were put along the side of the house . Weeks passed . The plants began to dry up and die , one after another . There were ten or twelve lavenders in gallon plastic pots , all dying of thirst . When only three or four were still alive I decided to act . I had watched them dying there on a daily basis because they were lined up near my driveway .
Just call me Plant Saver ! I took one , moved it to my backyard , and watered it . That was a few weeks ago . It’s out there now , thriving . Green thumb ? No . How about keeping plants watered ? It’s not rocket science .
I know ; I know ; you’re going to say , ” How come you didn’t just ask the neighbor if you could have the plants ? ” 1. Because it’s easier to apologize , if necessary , than to ask permission . 2. Because my neighbors work long hours and are seldom home to ask . 3. Because , to tell you the truth , I was irritated at the shabby treatment these plants were getting , the neglect . The neighbors are nice people , but plant abuse is just not right . What was it that Goldwater said ? : ” Extremism in the cause of liberty is no vice ” , or was that something else he said ? He wasn’t talking about plants , of course , but you know what I mean .
Ada was surprised and perhaps a bit shocked that I had absconded with the neighbors’ plant . I explained to Ada that it had been more of a rescue mission than a theft .
So , time goes by. More weeks pass . Now , yesterday , only one of the neighbor’s plants is still hanging on to life . So , yeah . I snatched it. ” Liberated ” it , as people used to say . Stole it . Swiped it , as we used to say before ” swipe ” took on a whole different meaning . When someone in a store nowadays says ” Swipe your card ” the expression still strikes me as odd .The old meaning was better , in my opinion .
” What happened to your bike ? “
” Jimmy swiped it .”
Now Jimmy swipes credit cards all over town . Maybe the new chip in American credit cards will make swiping them obsolete . If that happens , it’ll be one less thing for me to worry about .
When the lavender plants grow up a bit , I could offer to give them back to my neighbor . That could happen . I’ll spill the beans at that point about my actions , throw myself at his and her mercy , apologize for my thievery , say that I don’t know what overcame me . Channeling Flip Wilson for a minute, I might announce : ” The devil made me do it ! ” That could happen . I wouldn’t necessarily recommend that you bet on that ; but the world is unpredictable , so who knows .