I get calls from the IRS , sometimes seemingly routed through India , threatening calls . First of all , no one likes to get unsolicited calls from the IRS . I don’t like to get mail from the IRS either . It’s bad enough having to deal with the IRS once a year . Now they want me , by the way , to check in on a quarterly basis ; but I ignored that letter from them . Once a year checking in with the IRS is enough for me .
And now , for a few months , the calls .
One of the (recorded) calls informed me that the IRS was proceeding with a court case against me unless I avoid the problem by calling the number given and that , otherwise , a case would be filed against me at the nearest county courthouse . Someone , I think , should tell the IRS that they are a federal agency and so any case would be at the federal courthouse .
Well , they can’t seem to decide where they will file the case against me if I don’t call their number . They have given various alternatives over the last few months . Unfortunately it’s always a recorded voice , so I can’t ask any questions , like ” What time is it in Nigeria now ? Isn’t there a nine -hour time difference ? “
I was dealing with the real IRS this year and we , old acquaintances that we are , traded a few letters back and forth . It seems , oddly enough , that they believed that I owed them more money than they had yet received from me . I tried logic to argue my position . Arguing with the IRS is always intriguing , I think . Logic isn’t really the currency used in such transactions. I suspect that they have a host of astrologers there , wherever their offices are , who consult the stars before declaring payers delinquent , or in arrears , or whatever language they use . Always there are late penalties plus interest , too , of course . Unfortunately , it would do me no good to threaten them with late charges and penalties for their delinquency and delay in returning to me what they owe . But such is life .
A friend of mine told me to report the IRS phone threats to the Secret Service . That’s who you report those calls to , she said . I’ve been delinquent in doing so . I figure the Secret Service , or the local cops , or the real IRS have enough to do without this little extra irritation . Maybe I’m thinking wrong on that . Maybe I should immediately report the IRS calls . Next time they call , maybe I will .
I had almost abandoned my negotiations with the IRS about our difference of opinion regarding 2014 taxes , when I , sort of out of the blue , received a check from them . I checked my records and found that their check covered , give-or-take a few bucks , the entire debt that I had been telling them that they owed me . And they had added , on their own , interest for all of those months when they were dragging their feet . I guess that I should have demanded they pay penalties , too , but it is too late now . So , you see, miracles happen . I suppose the team of IRS astrologers woke up one morning to find Mars ascending , bright lights in the southern skies , the planets wobbling , or something , and knew that they needed to send me money .
It gets better , though . Another call from the IRS came in ; threats to take me to court again , and by coincidence I get another check from the IRS that same day . The astrologers must have seen something pretty ominous in the night skies . I won’t tell you how much this check was for , but it was big , and , after all , found money is found money . I considered , for about an eighth of a second , sending it back to the IRS ; but , then I realized that the IRS doesn’t seem to appreciate me questioning their decisions .