phone scammers

Maybe one day a driverless car will pull up at the house and a robot will appear at the door . It’ll knock . It’ll have tried to ring the bell , but at my house the bell usually doesn’t work . It’ll stand there for awhile , not sure if the thing works or not . It’ll listen . Then it will try to knock on the door , but the security screen door blocks that . It’ll  rattle the screen and then listen again .phone outdoor booth

I think to replace the doorbell button from time to time ; but , on the other hand , the broken button keeps unwanted solicitors at bay . I wish I had one for the phone , some sort of broken signal for phone solicitors that would discourage them enough to persuade them to go away .

No , by the way , I don’t need solar energy right now , or a free estimate for heating and air -conditioning , or new windows , or a paint job , or to have my carpets cleaned . One of them yesterday asked about my baseboards . Now , that’s getting a little personal , but we had eliminated several other possible needs , so we eventually got to the baseboards .  No , I don’t need new baseboards .

What about walking my dog ? Do they do that ? I’ll ask next time . I don’t have a dog , but I could maybe be persuaded to get one with the right offer over the phone . Probably some government entity is waiting right now to give me dog money . It’s been sitting in a  U.S. Treasury vault unclaimed . If only that phone solicitor will call me in order to clue me in to this and to see that I get everything I deserve !

I’ll wait . I’ll wait near the phone . Won’t be long . Jail la police museum 007

I tried to report the phone scammer from yesterday , the guy who thought I’d send a check for $200 in order to get my $2,000,000 prize . I called to local cops . They don’t handle phone scammer stuff . I wouldn’t let the officer off the line until he suggested some other route to take to report the address the scammer had given me to send my money . He put me on hold for a couple of minutes and then gave me the name and number of a detective who handles fraud cases .

I left a message on the detective’s line and he called me back to say , since no money was sent , a crime hadn’t been committed . He immediately amended that statement to agree that an attempted crime had occurred and that was , itself , a crime . I don’t know the ins and outs of that stuff , not being a lawyer . He referred me to the FBI website .

I tried a couple of times to fill out the appropriate on-line report form , but for some reason it wouldn’t take lots of my information . I got a lot of red asterisks and a red -lettered warning that I needed to provide the missing information .  So I gave up . After all , I’m not being paid for this . The FBI will have to proceed on their own . I’d be happy to help them if they’d give me a decoder ring or something , but I don’t know if they’d go for that .

By the way , FBI ( or NSA or CIA or anyone else ) , if you’re secretly monitoring this post , the address given to me by the scammer is :

8858 Gateway Drive

Neosho, Missouri , 64850

Might be a guy named Ralph Sill there , waiting for my check of $200 . Tell him that I’m still waiting for my new Mercedes . It hasn’t arrived yet . When it does I’ll send a check for the 200 . He can keep the $2,000,000 . That was too good to be true , anyway , Hopefully Sill , if he exists , can use some of that money to buy cigarretts in the slammer . It should last throughout his entire sentence , I suspect .

 

 

2 Comments

Filed under humor

2 responses to “phone scammers

  1. I get those all the time. My favorite was ALL my friends got an email,saying Imwas stranded in the Philipines, my wallet and passport stolen, please send money. Thank goodness all my friends just laughed because I hate to travel, and I go to Chicago once a year to visit my Mom.

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