car old pinkI’ve been skimming an article by Davis Lazarus in the L.A. Times about FICA credit scores , and it reminded me of an experience of mine several years ago .

I was trying to get a car loan . I had belonged to my mother’s credit union for decades . I had a minimum amount of cash in there , maybe $250 , but I had maintained the account for years for no apparent reason , except that maybe , just maybe , some day it would come in handy . So , I thought , that day had finally come .

I was asking for a car loan . I was working , owned two cars and a house , all that stuff . Should be no problem , right ? My credit was good .

I got a letter stating that I had no credit score ; that I didn’t seem to exist ;  no such person as I had a credit score .

After a few weeks , I found myself on another call to the credit union . There was a woman on the line , asking me this and that . Arrogant tone of voice , like I was trying to pull a fast one on them .

How many aliases do you use ?   None. I told her none .Well , you applied under the name Daniel J. Hennessy , and I see here that you also use the name D.J. Hennessy . So , how many other aliases have you used ?  

Aliases ? 

That’s not an alias . That’s an abbreviation . I told her that .

And I see you have also applied under the name Dan Hennessy .

 Yes .

So , how many aliases have you used in , say , the last ten years ?  

My loan application had been denied . No credit record , she said .

Do you have a credit card ?  

Well , she got me . She got me . Trying to pull a fast one and get away with their money .

I told her I was in my fifties and , yeah , I had  credit cards , that  I had owned cars and houses and , yeah , I had a credit history . Duh ! I didn’t say Duh ! because I wasn’t ten years old . When I go into my second childhood , though , ( remember those ? ) I may well say Duh ! if I have to deal with another dolt like her over  the phone .

So , they wouldn’t approve the loan . Worse than that was the tone of voice of the person representing their credit union over the phone . Meanwhile , I needed a car , so I made other arrangements .

A month or so later I received a second call from the infamous credit union . Very polite and friendly voice :  ” Good news ! , “ they said . My loan had been approved . Wow !  I was so ecstatic I dropped my membership . Send me my two hundred and fifty bucks . Send it to any of my many aliases . I don’t care which one of them gets it .





Filed under humor

5 responses to “FICA

  1. Not only that, but don’t you sometimes spell your name with one n & one s, or one n and 2 s’s, or 1 s and 2 n’s, or an ey at the end? Like Woody Guthrie said, “Some men will rob you with a six gun, others with a fountain pen.” Of course, no one uses fountain pens anymore. And what kind of guy uses initials? What were you trying to hide when you went with that D. J. business? And I’ve also seen Dan Hen. You might fool the credit union, but not the Internet!

  2. “aliases” ??? I didn’t know you wee such a dangerous man.

  3. Funny, I went through that with Motor Vehicles!! My license was messed up for years, when I finally gave up trying to have it corrected – it was….? Go figure!!

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