I have great confidence in fools ; self-confidence my friends call it . —Edgar Allen Poe
I was considering walking on over to the Ralph’s supermarket yesterday to look for some aplomb . Maybe they’d have some over there .
A year or so ago Ralph’s put up new signs over the isles . It used to be easy to look up to the signs and see what that isle had . Now the signs are triangular . All three sides tell different stories . The apex of the sign points straight along the aisle so that shoppers are forced to shift to the right or to the left to even see what the sign says . Shift to the other side and there is different information . It makes no sense to me . Some corporate genius must have thought up those signs . Probably got a million dollar bonus for the idea .
I decided to look up and down the aisles for some aplomb . Why I thought Ralph’s might have some , I don’t know , except that Ralph’s has all kinds of stuff . Where does aplomb come from ?
I didn’t find any at Ralph’s . I considered asking a Ralph’s employee if they had any aplomb. Lately , though , even they don’t know off- the- cuff because of the recent Ralph’s habit of changing the location of items to adjacent isles or to other isles altogether every few days . Again , some corporate genius must have thought up that novel idea . Probably got a million dollar bonus for his/her brilliance . Nowadays the Ralph’s employees pull out little cheat-sheet charts to find out on which isle the item is now hiding .
As I was wandering around Ralph’s the idea suddenly came to me that there is a Dollar Store on the next block . They have all sorts of odd stuff . Maybe Dollar Store has aplomb . So , I left Ralph’s without making a purchase and wandered over to Dollar Store .
I know the Dollar Store .They keep the cookies in the cookie section , the facial tissue on the facial tissue shelf , the paper goods in the paper goods section. You get the idea . Apparently they don’t have the corporate geniuses that Ralph’s does .
But , alas , Dollar Store in my neighborhood has no aplomb , either . I looked around for a long time and then asked a clerk . No , none of that , but they had little plastic mice that squeak when a little motion detector is triggered , so I bought one . I’ll probably hide it in the canned food cabinet to scare Ada when she reaches for a can of tuna or tomato paste .
No , on second thought , I’d better find me some aplomb first , maybe in bulk , before I do something as dumb as that . That way I’ll have a chance of surviving the chewing-out I’ll get from Ada .
Maybe Home Depot has aplomb . Or Bed Bath And Beyond .