A friend of mine sent me a New York Times article about two scientists who predict a possible disastrous rain event that will affect all of California . Climate change , you know . Not that this kind of thing hasn’t happened in previous milenia . According to these scientists , it has .

I thought about getting an inflatible raft —– a quasi Ark , just in case . But where would I go ? Nevada ?

We Californians have the multi-year drought to worry about in the meantime , and spreading wildfires . Oh , and the earthquake —- The Big One .

What else ? Oh , someone might steal the catalytic converter from my Prius . There are other things to worry about too.

There seem to be a lot of mountain lions roaming around L.A. these days . And bears , or course . We had a bear in our driveway a few nights ago chowing down on food of some sort that he got from the neighbor’s trash . This is our third sighting in the last month . Never saw a bear near our house before .

Ah , let’s not leave out the squirrels ! There have been multitudes of them in the back yard during the last couple of years . A squirrel or two roaming the yard is okay , but squirrels in large numbers are a gang of thugs . They stole most of my apricots earlier this year from the tree. They make too much noise and they dig up bulbs in the yard and , I suspect , ate some of my tomatoes . They smoke unfiltered cigarettes and use foul language too. Rats in fancy coats !

I put moth balls out to discourage them . Someone told me that squirrels avoid mothballs . Seems to work . The guy in the house behind ours bought a spray from the local nursery . He claims that it chases away everything . He sprays it all over . He went so far as to buy me a bottle of the stuff , but I rely on mothballs . I think the spray is a solution of wolf pee . It may attract wolves . Who knows !

Birds eat my apricots , too , and steal the figs . At least they sing for their supper. That’s something .

Oh , and there are the usual health concerns to worry about . I won’t go into them . Old people spend too much time jawing about their health .

Let me see . Home robberies ? Car acccidents ? For that matter , how about getting hit by a bus ?

I worry about all of the small lizards that have populated the neighborhood . It’s beginning to dawn on me that there’s something afoul . Could be that they’re the lizard people who will soon be taking over the world . I’m beginning to realize that . Could be too late already .

I suppose all of these worries won’t matter when the big flood sinks the state . We’ll get a few hours warning , they say , but by then I think it’s too late . Ada and I could float for awhile in our little rubber dingy ( if we had one ! ) , but what’s the use . We’d probably catch a flesh-eating disease from the rising water. Or the lizard people would get us . Or squirrels . Do squirrels swim ?


Filed under humor

12 responses to “worries

  1. GP

    I have one cure, Dan. Get infested with iguanas, like south Florida has. You will see a definitely reduction of little lizards! The rest, you’ll have to coast along with – just like the rest of us! wa-ha-hah..

  2. Can I interest you in a never before used, worry free hat? It fits so tight you won’t have the energy to think. Worry gone. $19.99 Plus shipping and handing as well as insurance and carbon footprint tax. It’s a steal at $1042.18!

    • I am reminded of my grandfather’s saying about people ” talking through their hat “. Good idea , but I think I’ll pass on the hat —- a little beyond my budget . Thanks anyhow.

  3. The big rain. The big earthquake. The big fire. The big squirrel infestation. Sounds like we’re firing up the B-Horror film engines again. In those movies, I think one out of three people who had an escape plan survived. Not the greatest of odds for you and that raft, but probably better than waiting on FEMA. It could just be Nevada’s marketing department at work. “Heading to CA? I wouldn’t risk it. Stay here.”

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