getting down to business

I don’t like getting yelled at .

There was a phase in American business when clerks in stores would yell at me as I entered . Well , not just at me , of course . The first couple of times I figured that it was indeed aimed at me and I wondered just what I had done wrong . Why else would a person shout some sharp bleating noise at me ? It was just a quick censure and then silence.

Of course it was a new ingenious strategy to welcome shoppers . Shout some loud greeting . Bark something out at whomever had just come in the door . Instantly forget any customer directly facing you at the cash register . At times I was sometimes at that register in front of that clerk who would shout as if suddenly and vehemently possessed by demons .

Some sort of corporate affliction imposed on employees , I soon realized .

Ada and I bought a new Saturn several years ago . I liked the idea that there was a set price . No bargaining with a salesperson who in other car showrooms would repeatedly dart off to see the sales manager to check vital information . It is a choreographed exercise in foolishness . In my mind if the seller can’t or won’t give a set price at the start , then I’m being set up for a swindle . It was easy to buy that Saturn . When Ada and I signed the papers and before we drove it off the lot , a group of Saturn employees gathered around to shout some kind of a cheer . It was unexpected and a bit awkward . Seemed out- of -place. I suppose it was meant to be a rah rah for the Saturn family , of which we were now part .

I think some of these business ideas came from the Japanese at a time when Japanese industry was out-maneuvering and outpacing American industry . Corporate boards were discussing the reasons for their success . Maybe some of it had to do with shouting greetings at potential customers when they come in the door . Or gathering around the customer to cheer when a big sale is made .

Maybe they do that kind of thing in Japan . I think Saturn dropped that tactic right away , though . Not ready for the American psyche , I suspect . Not ready for mine , at least .

But some stores still tell their people to shout that grating mindless greeting . I went into a store last week and was immediately barked at . Sharp and unpleasant . I presume that it was the required greeting . Most of them shout ” Welcome ! ” , I think . But who knows !

I might try that when friends come visit . I’ll shout some unrecognizable greeting . Maybe a shout of “Welcome!” would be best . Loud , right above the decibel level to be easily understood . That would be best . If someone else were to be next to me at the time I’d sound as if I were having an unexpected fit . Of illness ? Of rage ? Of insanity ? And then , if there were a group of people around , we could all gather into a tight formation and cheer the newcomers .

I think we’d all feel better if we did . Don’t you ? And we’d undoubtedly albeit inexplicably be helping the American economy . We could feel good about ourselves .


Filed under humor

2 responses to “getting down to business

  1. Maybe start here on your blog, Dan. Bold, ALL CAPS – WELCOME! On second thought, maybe not.

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