Lizzie Borden took an ax and gave her mother forty whacks ………….

I was reading today about homelessness and health care . One homeless person said , ” I’m my own doctor .” That stuck in my mind .

My neighbor a few years ago used the same phrase about his yard . I had recommended that he hire the gardener who cleans up our yard once a week . ” I’m my own gardener ,” he said . He said it with a definite ring of arrogance . That’s how I heard it .

………………….and when she’d seen what she had done , she gave her father forty-one .

I’m thinking about a little rhyme about the suspected ax murderer Lizzy Borden and a few other crimes from long ago in the USA . No , I’m not obsessed with them , but for today …………, well , here we are .

There was a guy in Los Angeles in the 1920s who kidnapped the young daughter of a well-off businessman . I think the girl was twelve . For ransom . He had plans to attend divinity school and he wanted money to pursue that goal . No lie .

The girl died during the process . The guy disemboweled her , stuffed her with newspapers , sewed her up and propped her up in a window to trick her father into thinking that she was okay so he’d pay the ransom .

It didn’t work .

I have a random memory of reading of a student who walked into the Principal’s office at a high school in Pasadena , also in the 1920s , and using an ax to chop up the Principal’s desk , etc. The Principal exited the office and called the police . I guess the boy was agitated about his grades or something .

Also , we had the cop in Arcadia in 1927 who was on routine patrol about midnight and was murdered . Three nineteen-year-olds were sitting in a stolen car near a street corner not far from where I am right now . . They had driven out from downtown Los Angeles evidently intent upon robbing an Arcadia bar-b-que joint . The cop parked his vehicle , approached them on foot , and asked for identification . The guy in the back seat emptied a pistol into the officer and the police car , instantly killing the cop .

I saw in this morning’s paper that they just picked up some suspect to the murder of a local rapper . Found him in Vegas . They’ll bring him back to Los Angeles for trial .

So on we go .

My neighbor doesn’t work on his yard , At first , he went out with various high-end tools to attempt some work , but they didn’t work well for him . For example , his yard vacuum would make a lot of noise but didn’t really pick up the tree droppings or other debris lying around . Soon he gave up his efforts and installed fake grass and left it at that . ” I’m my own gardener !” in practice didn’t really pan out for him .

I had a feeling from the beginning that’s how it would go . He never does any gardening !

His yard accumulated leaves and sticks and crud until , if you ask me for my conjecture , his wife finally got on his case about the mess . He then hired my gardener to clean up his yard once a week . The worm turns. Well , that’s not the appropriate saying , but you know what I mean .

I’ve been watching a Wisconsin trial off and on for the last several days . The defendant is a man named Darrell Brooks . He’s the guy who drove an SUV through the Christmas parade in Waukesha in 2021 . He killed six people and injured at least sixty-two others .

I say without hesitation that he did it after watching much of ten days of trial so far . The prosecution has video of him driving through the parade . They have video and witnesses tracking his movements before , during , and after his crime . They have the red SUV that he committed the atrocity with , witnesses tracing his steps after abandoning the vehicle , etc. etc. He told the police that he didn’t have a car , never was in a car that day . Keys to that car , which is registered in his mother’s name , were found in his pocket when he was arrested .

And on and on and on .

He wanted to act as his own attorney . He fired his two public defenders after the judge danced around with him about it for two or three days . I say danced around because she had to put him out of the courtroom into an adjoining room a couple of times for bad behavior . Incredibly bad behavior . The judge has been patient with his antics day after day after day .

Today he began his defense . The first two witnesses sounded like prosecution witnesses . Brooks asked meaningless questions as he dug his grave minute by minute deeper and deeper .

Oh , and he objects to being called that name . He has repeated that objection aloud hundreds of times . The judge responds , ” Your objection is noted . ” She must be tired of that .

At one point the judge admonished him to do something . Sit down ? Stop interrupting ? Stop making comments under his breath during trial ? He demanded to know if she ( the judge ) was asking him , or was she telling him ? If she was telling him , he said , then he would not do it . He’s a grown man , he told the judge , with children and no one , NO one , tells him what to do . The judge said that she was admonishing him . A couple of days later he tried the same assault . Are you telling me or asking me ?” , he demanded .

” I don’t have to ask you ,” she said . ” I’m telling you !” Her patience was wearing thin .

And on it goes .

I couldn’t help but wonder if the jailers would be as patient with him in the prison for the rest of his life when he was told to do something . No , probably not .

A day or two more of trial , as far as I can figure . I guess that he might as well mouth -off and drag the farce out for as long as he can . It will be his last opportunity , I think , to get away with such nonsense .

Of course , it takes only one juror to refuse to convict him and he avoids immediate punishment .

He has a large Bible on the desk as he tries to defend himself . As a song says : God might forgive you

but I won’t .

Lizzy Borden stood trial in 1892 for the murder of her parents . She was acquitted . No one else was ever accused of the crime .

Yeah , you say : what a weird post ! What about this neighbor , the ” I’m my own gardener ” guy . How does he fit in ? How indeed !

And on we go .


Filed under humor

3 responses to “x

  1. I hope the man in WI doesn’t get off like Lizzie. As for your neighbor, sooner or later his wife will take care of the yard. Maybe she has an ax.

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